I have to admit, finding a good horror movie is like eating the best chocolate dessert you can remember. There are so many mediocre cakes out there but then there are some that you feel all the way down to your toes and never forget. It’s really one in a hundred. This, is NOT one of them. This is more of the day old, grocery store bought cake that you decide to get at last minute. I go into some movies knowing it will be terrible, but can still enjoy it for some mindless entertainment. Or knowing that this Kroger cake isn’t that good, but eating it anyway because you have a sweet tooth. This is neither good nor enjoyable. And I hate to admit, I was kind of excited to see it since it is advertised as the same director of Urban Legend (1998). I looked up the director, Jamie Blanks, who I did not know anything about off the top of my head and also learned that he directed Valentine (2001). I’m a sucker for both Urban Legend and Valentine– teen screams that you just want to watch over and over again. I didn’t find Storm Warning streaming on Netflix or Amazon (my go-to’s), so I bought a hard copy. That’s a lot of work to watch a movie that is not considered “rare”. It is not readily available because no one wants to see this movie.
I have seen much worse, I really have. But I think my expectations let me down. The acting is subpar, the plot has been done a million times before, and it was downright boring. The story goes along the lines of couple takes boat out on water, boat stops working, couple gets lost and end up on an island, couple meet dangerous locals, locals kidnap and torture couple, couple fights back and kills hillbilly locals. If you have any interest in seeing this movie, just fast forward to the last half hour of the film. The only redeeming factors are the kill scenes- of which there are only 3 if I am not mistaken. We have a scene with a booby-trap of fish hooks, a dog eating a penis previously mangled by a beer bottle, and a boat engine chopping death. Interesting, right? These scenes did make me jolt a bit, but not enough to justify this crappy movie. I honestly think the makers of this film had these really cool, unique deaths in mind and just created a plot around that.
I think if you go into this movie with very low expectations it could be enjoyable for what it is. I just wasn’t prepared. I have just seen so many movies, that more often than not are bad ones. I feel like I have seen all the good ones that there are, but I still continue the hunt. It is an endless obsession. But that’s what I’m here for – to weed out the bad one and deliver only those tasty treats.
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